I am now officially less than 3 months away from being a master. Yes, that's right. In less than 3 months, you must all call me "Master." Okay, so maybe you can just call me "Master" one or two times and be done with it. But, the point is, I AM ALMOST DONE WITH GRADUATE SCHOOL!!!! Hard to believe, I know, but true. I only have one more term to go, a term in which I am only taking two classes (plus going to my internship). Two classes with a very light workload, to be specific. It should be nice. This is the least amount of credits I will have taken my entire time in graduate school. Hooray!!!! The end is in sight. Still slightly hard to see, but in sight nonetheless.
I can almost start breathing again.
Somewhere in here, I'm going to have to quit my job, too. My fear, though, is that I'll lost out on all the great deals my job has to offer me, as well as the interesting companionship of my co-workers. It doesn't matter that I'm older than almost everyone there or that I'm one of the few college-educated people who are employed by that fine retail establishment. I've grown rather fond of my co-workers, despite the fact that they all seem to be stuck in a sort of perpetual freshmen year of college mentality - i.e., go out and get drunk as often as possible and brag about it the next day. I'm not saying that I don't enjoy the occasional alcoholic beverage or two, but I certainly do not have any desire to go out and party 4-5 times per week, and I MOST DEFINITELY do not drive drunk (as do many of my coworkers, a fact that has, unfortunately, caused me to lose some respect for some of them). Despite our personality differences and life goal/direction differences, our staff is kind of like a family. We're a pretty tight-knit group. It will be difficult to leave.
Speaking of work, there were a couple of guys in today, doing general contractor-type stuff in the backroom (i.e., putting in a door). One of them was rather good-looking...to say the least. Now, I am in no way even remotely interested in dating anyone other than my boyfriend, but this guy was noticeably attractive. One of my co-workers and I were commenting on how cute he was. Then, later on, he asked her out! She has a very serious boyfriend, and so said no, but he got her all flustered, and she completely messed up while ringing up his purchase. It was all very cute and took a lot of guts on his part. But, dang it all if I wasn't just the teensiest bit jealous. I mean, why did he ask her out, and not me? Again, I must stress the non-existence of any desire to be with anyone other than my boyfriend...however, it would be fun to be hit on, you know? Kind of flattering? Right? It's kind of fun to see someone who gives you that little rush and that kind of nervous feeling in your stomach. It makes me remember when I first met my boyfriend, when our relationship hadn't even started yet, when I had a big ole crush on him - and that exciting rush I got whenever I saw him. Sigh.
Which brings me to my point...I know that, over time, it is perfectly natural for relationships to wax and wane in intensity, that your attraction for a person waxes and wanes over time. The rational part of me knows this. But the non-rational side of me wants passion and fireworks, like there were in the beginning. I mean, I love my boyfriend...but, lately, there just hasn't been the same kind of spark that there once was. And, I've been thinking about it a lot lately. When I was visiting a friend in New York two summers ago, I met up with an old boyfriend from college. He and I have grown into vastly different people, and, frankly, I couldn't figure out what part of his personality I was ever attracted to. A relationship between the two of us now would NEVER work. However, I found myself quite attracted to him, physically. There is definitely still chemistry between us, without a doubt. I hadn't seen him in...over 4 years at that point, and there was still a very strong physical chemistry between us. I would never, never act on it, but it was still there. This is an awful thing to admit, but I'm not sure that I feel that kind of physical chemistry with my boyfriend anymore. I feel like we've lost our...pop, you know? We're more like snuggle buddies now. It's weird. I take full responsibility for my part in this, but it's still a strange situation. I'm trying to figure out if this is all just part of the natural course of a relationsip, or if something is missing. This is the longest relationship I've ever had (4 years), so I just don't know. I'm certainly riding it out and taking the "wait and see" approach, but I must confess that I'm starting to get a bit worried. Who knows?
